Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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