who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
