One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
