apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
bring money and cleavage
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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