i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
