Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your penis caused this!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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