Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So much Jack, so little girl.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
