I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
