Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
