Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
