Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
A bitchslap is in order.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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