I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
