did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
