the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
