Is it normal to miss your booty call?
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
