Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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