mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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