I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
