Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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