I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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