Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
