I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
