Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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