he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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