This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
