hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is wine microwaveable?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize