Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
