look no pants
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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