dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
