ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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