So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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