tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
