But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
