oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
