I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
