I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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