Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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