I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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