i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
