it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
