Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
