I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
