Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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