just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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