What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
