can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
