I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
