They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
