If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
