if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
