Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
