I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
me + whiskey = a bad person
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
