my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
