All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
