omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize