So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
