got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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