So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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