Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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