Dual....:-)
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
