Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
