so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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