Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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