Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
