Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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