You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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