clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
