I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
