the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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